In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
