Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
