You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize