yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
