My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
