I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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