so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
