Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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