I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
