That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
