i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize