That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
