you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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