I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
