I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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