We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
