I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
