i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
