my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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