u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
