Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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