he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
