so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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