i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
