btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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