whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
