so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
