Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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