Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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