Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
