6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this hospital has no fireball
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
