..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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