Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
