please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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