well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
