I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
