Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
