I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
