worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
