Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
