What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
