What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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