Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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