Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
