remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize