So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
