I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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