Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize