she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
