Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
