ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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