This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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