just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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