; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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