apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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