You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
