Buhtt sex?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize