i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
