I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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