i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
