everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize