I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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