Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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