why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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