I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
